You know, sometimes I think companies do things just to set up an experiment in human exasperation.

Why do I make such a statement?

Friday, February 13, 2009 I received a call from a firm asking for my authorization to place $8,000 worth of commercial water pumps on my credit card. Since I had never heard of such a firm, and I had not placed an order for commercial water pumps, I knew my credit card had been compromised.

A phone call to my credit card company confirmed it with some other unauthorized purchases placed on the card. Immediately, my card was cancelled.

When my new credit card arrived, I had to notify certain companies the card number they presently have on file was no longer valid. I did this by Internet as they were set up on the Net and are automatic payments placed on my card.

The first place I visited was Dish Network. I went into my profile and changed my card number. At least I tried.

The site said I had to pay my monthly local stations fee before I could make any changes to my credit card. The number displayed on my computer screen was the old card number. I tried to change to the new number.

I could not pay the fee with my new card because I had to pay the fee before I could add the new card. Finally, after several attempts, I paid the fee with my cancelled card number. Then, and only then, was I allowed to change my credit card number.

I had satisfied the system.

About two hours later my phone rang. It was a prerecorded message from Dish Network advising me my account was about to be closed because I had paid my bill with an invalid credit card.

Arrrgh!

I then placed a phone call to the toll free number for Dish Network and immediately was connected to an automated, voice recognition-answering device. I do not like such devices. I wanted to speak with a human. Thus, every time the phone system asked a question, I answered “Bananas.” Finally, the device said it did not recognize what I was saying and connected me with a human.

Once I was connected to a person, I told her of the quirk in their system and of my exasperation with Dish Network. She then checked my account and said the system showed I was paid-in-full and the new credit card number was the one the system was using. The woman apologized for any inconvenience I was caused.

I guess all has been satisfied as I am still receiving Dish Network programming.

Computers are great, sometimes. Then, again, maybe companies just do these things to see how humans act under stress.

During my Life

I was born and raised in the small town of Sparta, Illinois. I graduated from the town’s elementary and high schools. Later on, I was a police officer in that town. I lived there the biggest part of my career with the sheriff’s office.

Then, almost 30 years ago, my life changed and I moved away from Sparta.

Though I have never lived more than 40 miles away, I have discovered a strange phenomenon. When I go to Sparta for shopping purposes, I never see anyone I know. When I read the local news and see a name from Sparta, it is alien to my childhood ears.

Life changes. I have very little control over what transpires. Some believe in the sovereignty of God. Some believe in the line from Invictus, “I am the master of my fate; I am the captain of my soul.”

What brings me to this topic?

Yesterday, Ann and I were in the Sparta area and happened upon the Sparta Home Show at the World Shooting and Recreation Complex. As usual, I saw no one I knew while we looked over the displays. That is until Kay Bivens waved. Ann went to her and they talked.

At about the same time, I saw two former classmates, Ray and Mitze Nitzsche. I spoke to Ray and then Mitze joined us.

During our conversation, Mitze spoke of my former newspaper writing and said she was a loyal reader of my weekly column. Then, she asked, “When you were in high school, did you ever think you’d write a weekly column?”

I smiled and said something like, “When I was in high school I never thought I’d do many things I have done in my life.”

When I was in high school, I wanted to attend an electronics school in Louisville, Kentucky. I wanted to be a professional hobo and travel. I wanted to be a police officer. I wanted to own my own clothing store. I wanted. . .

During my life, I have been a husband and a father.

During my life, I have been a department store manager, a factory worker, a police officer, a deputy sheriff, a chief of security, a state investigator, a business administrator, and a private detective. Along the way, I spent 26 six years writing a weekly newspaper column.

During my life, I never thought I’d be the elder of my church and be the president of the board of elders. I never dreamed I’d be a Lions district governor, let alone repeat that job. I never thought I’d write and sell training materials for police and security officers. I never dreamed I’d be a sought after instructor for police and security officers.

During my life, I never dreamed I’d be married twice and that the second marriage would last much longer than the first.

During my life, I never thought I would own my home. I never thought I’d retire early with great benefits. I never dreamed my wife, who is twelve years my junior, would retire early and we could travel.

During my life, I thought Ann and I, my children, my grandchildren and my hometown cousins would always be in Sparta. We would always be together and visiting each other.

So, Mitze, in answer to your question, “No, I never thought about writing a weekly newspaper column while I was in high school. In retrospect, I guess I never thought much about my future.”

Have good week.